


My Immortal(s)

by Eluvian



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-05 00:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4158366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eluvian/pseuds/Eluvian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fangirl accidentally finds herself in another world and meets her favourite character, The Doctor. After a few weeks travelling together the girl has a request. An unusual request. Because she also likes Torchwood and cannot stand that her other favourite character died. What happens if you give a fangirl a time machine?</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Immortal(s)

**Author's Note:**

> This had eventually nothing to do with Torchwood. The original idea was only that a fangirl meets the Doctor. And then I thought about Ianto and couldn't resist to do the thing below.

My Immortal(s)

 

I am Astray. I really am. And yeah, I have heard this word joke over a billion times since I was a kid. But I've gotten used to it since it fits me. But it's my real name. Quite annoying at administration. Or simply introduction. Hello, I am Astray. What? Ashtray? No, Astray. A.S.T.R.A.Y. And no, it couldn't have been some normal name my parents picked. Sounds like Astrid, but isn't. Or like Astraia, if you like. But no. Astray. Because why not give your kid a name she cannot grow up with normally. Fine. At least if somebody remembers this name at last, well that means something. Anyway, past this, I am a Londoner. Good at school. Friends? Not really. Hobbies? Games, films, books. I'm a geek in a way you wouldn't be able to imagine. Because real life just sucks. Or does nothing. Imaginary worlds, however, are beautiful and magnificent. They lead you to another aspects of live, death, friendship... and every other cliché, but really, they are amusing. And make you think. That's what I'd been telling to anyone who asked why I don't go to parties. Because I have something else. The worlds I read about or play about are all mine. Once they are inside my head, they don't go out of there again. Ever.

And about reality... I could come with the 'No one understands me' thing, and it would be true. Well, not nobody. Non-existent characters do. Except, they don't know I exist.

So, I go to an art school. I love art, it's the only thing I love at school. And, thankfully, my parents let me do what I want instead of pressing me their own way, following their own ideas and methods. It helps us bear that every day is the same. Waking up, going to school, surviving your classmates and then coming home, telling your parents that it was a fantastic day - harsh British accent "Fantastic", oh, Northern accent, pardon me - and then falling into bed, just to wake up feeling like a washed rag five hours later. Fantastic. Brilliant. Magnificent.

So, my view of life wasn't the best at the time I was seventeen. Seventeen, it's a good age, isn't it? Sweet seventeen. Oh, that was sixteen, well, whatever. But I think it didn't matter how old I was. That year, my whole life changed. Sounds like an exaggeration, but it's true. In a way I couldn't imagine was possible. Well, I could... but... I didn't really believe it. Funny thing when not your illusions break, but the illusion that the illusion is just an illusion. I was always thinking about choosing philosophy as my subject at university...

It was Friday, late spring. Friday, meaning freedom. Walking home from school, crossing the rainy roads of my beloved city, busting with people rushing from car to house, from house to car or to house to house, carrying umbrellas with every colous and pattern imaginable, the rain pouring down on the walls, the leaves of the very few trees that stood solitary in the prison of stone and metal surrounding them, people's faces covered by water as if they were terribly crying... It always felt like tears. Except it was cold, not warm. I read somewhere that warm tears were that of honest emotions and cold tears the messengers of bitterness and revenge. But when I looked up at those clouds I thought that they did have honest emotions. So, maybe when they started to cry, up there in the sky, the tears were warm, but when they reached the Earth... Oh yeah, science destroys illusions, even that this specific idea was as far from science as I was from Mars. No. Farther. Much farther.

I was walking, step by step, intentionally stumbling into every puddle, out of rage, curiosity, my most common I-don't-care-about-anything demeanor. I stared at the reflections in the water-mirror fall into pieces when I crossed their surface. Everything just disappeared, all of a sudden, just to come back to order after a few moments. I liked it. Ever-changing, illusional. Man, I love illusions.

I took off my glasses because I couldn't see any more. They were covered in tiny pearls of half-globe mirrors of raindrops. Yeah, I wear glasses, forgot to mention that. Glasses are cool. Bowties too, but how could society accept a girl wearing a bowtie?

I almost fell over in a black cat... I gasped, frightened. Black cats bring bad luck, don't they? The poor sod was completely soaked in rain, looked quite pathetic and much thinner with its fur washed in pure water. I was thinking how I looked. I left my umbrella in my cupboard. Figures. Fantastic. Then, out of the blue a thought came to my mind and I picked up the cat. It snuggled to me immediately, but I didn't care how wet and dirty it was. It matched my mood. I caressed its ears as I continued walking. Just a few more houses. I almost bumped into a child rushing with a wet newspaper. I mumbled an apology. Fine, it's not my day, I thought.

There stood a large, rusty arched gate in the street which led to my house. Nobody knew who built it or what function it had, it just stood there with its metal covered in reddish-brownish-green rust, growing older and older and more and more fragile with every rainy day like this. But there was a rule. Never walk under it. Our neighbour used to scare me when I was a little kid that if I did, the Bad Wolf would come and take me. Despite that, the Old Hag, as everyone in the vicinity called her, was obviously nuts, nobody ever walked under Rusty. Yeah, she - I wonder if a metal construction that isn't even a proper gate can be a female, but let it be a she - was called Rusty. Every person that lived near, even the kids also went round it. It was a superstition of sorts. I also did the same. Even when I wasn't paying attention, when I was really tired, my legs just went the right direction... around the metal coloumn. Never between the two.

But not know! This day was... rainy, boring, just like the others, and... Friday, so I had time. For anything. So, why not walk under a damned arch? If I had already soaked my shoes in half a hundred water puddles, this was nothing of a rule breaking. I still found my heart pounding nervously. What the hell was the matter with me? It's nothing. Nothing will happen.

But why? Why did everyone go around it? Always? I don't even remember who started it. It was an eternal custom, without a beginning. Well, everything needs to be stopped at a time...

I took a deep breath and made a step. It was harder than I thought. I felt stupid. I always hated this instinctive fear, worry and doubt which flowed through me. In this case, they came without a reason, making it all much more ridiculous. Ookay, one more step. One more. I was already under the shadow of the metal bow. I felt as if it was watching me. It was... interesting to imagine such things. I felt like a kid. Actually, I wanted to remain a kid as long as I lived. But. Without. Damned. Doubts.

One more step, and I was on the other side. Huh. That was nice. I shook myself, spraying all my surroundings with water. Fortunately, nobody was around. Yeah. Nobody was around. Okay, it was raining and it was getting late, but there were always some people here. Or at least animals. Cats, birds.

Wait wait wait... it wasn't raining. All-right, this is getting creepy. I stopped instantly. I looked around. The environment was the same, only it was more like a shell. An empty, silent collection of constructions. Detached houses with gardens in a row, street lamps, cobble stones, all the same. My home. But the rain stopped. Everything was dry, the sky so beautifully blue as if I weren’t even in England. But I was. London. Evidently, same old London, only the rain stopped in one instant.

It was the arch. It definitely was Rusty. This is why no one ever walked under it, it’s a damned dimension switch... have I watched too many films?

Okay, I am dreaming, I decided. It’s cool, it’s a very interesting dream, and I likely will remember it. Something you can write a story about, isn’t is? So, let’s continue, I thought. Let’s play the game. But first, I needed to check if I was right. I looked back at Rusty over my shoulder. I raised my eyebrows. What if I went back the other way? Would I appear again in the rainy Friday? I grinned, and said, let’s see. Started to walk towards the arch, but before I reached it...

I heard a noise. My heart nearly stopped. This noise was undescribable. A familiar wheezing, getting louder and louder, behind my back, and I was too shocked to turn around... But when I did, the noise stopped and a blue police box stood there, just in front of my house.

’Whoa.’ I gasped. Fine. It’s a really fantastic dream. What else will my super-clever mind make up? I was grinning like a retard when the door opened. The man who stepped out was like no one I’ve ever seen before. I was surprised. But what was I expecting? He always looks different, he travels in time, why couldn’t he look like... this? He had long hair. Actually, long hair. It even touched his shoulders. And it wasn’t ginger. It was... a strange colour, somewhere between brown and silver. How old did he look? I couldn’t really say. I was always bad at identifying one’s age. Maybe somewhere between forty and fifty... Wasn’t it a stupid thing to decide how old did he look? He was centuries old... many centuries.

He surely didn’t understand why I was grinning.

’Oh,’ he said. ’Hello, I’m-’

’The Doctor,’ I said in unison with him. ’I know. I have seen you. Well, most of you. Not this one. Not this version. What is it, fourteenth regeneration?’

’What?!’

’Now THAT sounded exactly like you.’ My grin widened.

’Who are you?’

’I am Astray.’

’Well, I can see that, but-’

I sighed. ’Why does everyone fall into that trap? It’s my name. Astray West. Stupid, I know, but have to live with it. Just call me Astra.’

’Fine. Nice name. Now tell me, Astra, how come you know who I am?’

’Because you are my favourite character! In a TV show! You are Doctor Who, you are in a series. And you are in my dream!’ I didn’t realize until that moment that it sounded quite strange. I gathered that by looking at his face. His expressions just said „What?!”, and I was thinking about a proper explanation...

’A series? Really?’

’Yes-yes,’ I nodded enthusiastically ’A TV series. I know all about you. All the people you travelled with, all the places you’ve seen, all the faces you had... well, except that one... I’ve never seen that one...’

’You haven’t... so? What do you think?’

’What do I think...?’

’Does it fit me?’ I measured him for a moment or two.

’Yeah, I think so. Not too old, not too young, just perfect.’ Then I realized what I just said. ’Don’t let it go to your head. Althought, I think it’s already too late,’ I muttered to myself.

’You are really, really astray, Astray West, if you think I’m not real.’

’Sorry for hurting your ego, but... I can show you. Interested in watching an episode online? Than you will see I’m right.’

’You go first, than I show you something to make you sure this is not a dream.’

’I think we have a deal,’ I smiled. ’Although, there might be a problem. There was a computer in my room in my house, but... currently... I don’t know where my house is. Anyway, it’s a dream, so I can make up what I want...’

’No-no-no, it isn’t a dream, Astray it isn’t...’ He stopped for a while, speculating. Wrinkles on his forehead. So... familiar. I found myself just staring at him, like he was real, which, for sure, he wasn’t... It’s a really good dream, I decided. And that was the moment when I realized I was still holding a cat. Its claws deepened into my skin...

’Ouch! You... you... you still here?’ It – he or she, I couldn’t decide – looked up at me with huge greyish eyes... This cat needed a name, because I thought probably I am going to carry it for a while. At least until my dream ends. Which I hoped was very far away... ’Vortex.’ I turned to the Doctor. ’Do you think Vortex is a nice name for a cat?’

’You said you didn’t know where your house was.’ He completely ignored what I said... ’You... You came through that arch, didn’t you?’

I sighed. ’I did. It’s Rusty. No one ever walked under it. In our neighbourhood. Stupid tradition. But now I did. It was raining, and then it suddenly wasn’t, and I was here. And then you were here. But it’s a dream, so it’s norm-’

’Stop repeating it’s a dream! We... better find an internet café. I am curious about that series you mentioned.’

I chuckled. This is going to be fun, I thought.

 

***

 

BlueLight Café, ’twas the name of it. There was really blue light in there. Round neon-lamps, cyberpunkish. The owner looked at us a bit strange at first when we stepped in – a teenage girl with a black cat in her arms and a strange man with disheveled hair in a long coat.

’I’ve never seen you lot before,’ she said. She was like my age, long, curly ginger hair and very summerly clothes covering almost nothing. She had a white top and a light farmer skirt hiding her thighs. And a questioning look on her face.

'Um... Hello...' I tried not to seem too awkward. 'I'd need... half an hour. Got a free computer?'

'Do you see anyone else here?' she asked cynically, and I felt stupid again. There was no one except us. Right. Okay. This is a dream, this is a dream...

I payed with cash - thank God I always had a little in my bag - and turned on one of the computers in the corner. Click on the profile. Password. Loading. Browser. Loading. Typing. I was just up to show a Doctor a show about the Doctor. It was crazy... My heart was pounding in my chest as if it wanted to burst out and start a new life on its own. 'See?' I pointed at the figure in the middle of the screen, trying not to show that my hands were shaking. 'That's you, right there.'

He seemed disappointed. And shocked. And embarrassed. And surprised. And amazed. And doubting. All that, in one moment. He was seeing himself, wasn't he? It was really him. Otherwise he wouldn't behave like this. Some random figure in a show with the name of the Doctor isn't so horrible than someone with his actual face. I just imagined what could have gone through his mind... I didn’t envy him. Dream, dream... strange dream...

When the Daleks on the screen shouted "Exterminate" about the ninth time, I stopped the video quickly. 'OK, that was probably enough...'

His expression was horrified and suddenly it didn’t seem such a good idea at all to show him all this... But he only said ’There is much I still don’t know about dimension switches, it seems.’

’So it was a dimension switch?’

’You’ve come through a dimension switch, yes. This is an alternate world, my world, while in yours I am... only a show character, it seems...’

’Don’t let it destroy your ego. Millions of people love you.’ I tried to encourage him, but I wasn’t persuasive.

’They love a show character. They don’t know me. You don’t know me, you have no idea who I am...’

’I... still... think this is a dream, did you consider that? Now your turn. You told me you’d show something...’

This awakened him from his grim and fatalistic attitude. ’Yes. A memory. A thought.’

A dream is, too, a thought... How was that going to convince me?

’But, we better not do it here. That girl there is already watching us as if we came from Mars,’ he said taking the mouse from my hand and shutting down the computer.

I grinned. ’Martian boy...’ I teased him, but the smile immediately froze on my face seeing his expression. ’Right, I was just... nevermind.’

 

When we left the café, I waved goodbye to the redhead girl with a pleasant smile, then we headed back to the TARDIS. It was... orange. Definitely orange. Or more of the colour of Gallifrey. Orange, gold, red, all together. It hurt my eyes at first but it was definitely beautiful. And those round things on the wall...

’You’ve redecorated...’ I was laughing like a stupid girl, indeed, but I couldn’t help it. It was all mad, crazy, unbelievable... since it was a dream, wasn’t it? A perfectly wonderful one. My eyes got lost in that time machine, examining every last bit of it, I was just turning around over and over like a little animal trying to adjust itself to the best position before lying down on the ground. Except I wasn’t nearly up to lying down...

The Doctor softly touched my shoulder, and I had no idea for how much time I had been starring around. I looked at him confused, but he was smiling. A smile of an old age, eyes that had seen wonders and horrors one cannot imagine... His look was so intense as if those eyes could get into my head and read my thoughts.

That was what he was up to know, wasn’t it? Get into my head... exactly...

’This won’t hurt a bit,’ he assured me, and too my head into his heads.

I shivered. ’Rule number one: the Doctor lies.’

’Not anymore,’ he winked at me, and I smiled, feeling strangely safe. I was staring at his eyes which oddly created trust, until he told me to close them. I did.

 

Gallifrey. Orange-gold lights... but not of the planet itself. Fire. A whole city set aflame. The horizon melted together with the scattered remnants of the Citadel. Broken parts of buildings, broken parts of people on the ground... Crying children, women and even men, desperately running and fleeing in every direction, seeking haven in the rush of reasonless fear, rage and incomprehension. They looked like us... They looked like humans, exactly like humans. Alright, we looked exactly like them... I could completely imagine that happening on Earth, and it was horrible. I almost felt what they felt. Except they didn’t know the reason and what would happen. I did.

Another scream. A little girl, probably lost her parents, or a young woman, I couldn’t even distinguish.

In one instant, the image faded away and I was, again, in the orange TARDIS facing the Doctor, who caressed down the tears from my cheek... I hadn’t even realized I was crying.

’It’s alright,’ he comforted me, and I suddenly felt so heavy and tired and broken, I could just lie down on a bed, curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep. He saw that and buried me into his arms. That time I was just a weak girl who hasn’t seen anything in life... nothing at all... until that memory. And it felt so real as if it was me standing amidst all that darkness.

I rested my head on his shoulders for a long time. None of us said a thing, he caressed my hair until my silent sobs soothed down and my tears stopped flowing.

’I’m... sorry...’ was all I could say. I sounded pathetic.

’No, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have shown you that. It’s one of my most terrible memories. It is hard to bear even for me, what could it do with a human mind? Stupid, stupid Doctor... Now you see that it is real, at least, don’t you?’

’I...’ I felt stupid. Never felt so stupid in my entire life. ’I guess I do... I acted like an idiot, I’m sorry.’ I muttered it again and again. So it was real. It was all real. It all had to be. That moment, a thought materialized in my mind. A question, rather. Why did he come here? At the exact moment I stepped through that rusty arch, why then, why there? The Doctor appears where something is not right, something has to be solved, somebody has to be saved. But so far we didn’t face any kind of enemy or anomaly. There was... only me.

’You are thinking that why the hell did I come here, don’t you?’

’Don’t read my mind, please...’

’I am not. I’m just good at human feelings-’

’Oh, I bet you are... Sorry...’

’I don’t know.’ I looked up at him, blinking the remaining tears out of my eyes.

’Excuse me?’

’I don’t know why I got here, the TARDIS has a mind on her own. The old girl.’ He looked around and raised his voice. ’So, do you have an answer for this? Why here, why now?... Even if you had, you wouldn’t be able to tell me...’

’So you really met her? In a human form?’ I asked. I couldn’t help it, I had to. I was so curious... I had a billion questions and I felt 900 years wouldn’t be enough to ask enough. The disappointment in his eyes told me I was right. It all happened.

’Yes, I met her. If you know that, what else do you know?’ he wondered, muttering mostly for himself. But I didn’t care it was a poetic question.

’Everything. Try me.’

He considered it. ’What is the home planet of the Daleks?’

’Oh, come on! Is that really a question? Skaro. And yours is Gallifrey...’

’What’s the home planet of the...’ I rolled my eyes so he stopped for a moment ’... slitheen?’

I couldn’t help but laugh. ’Give me a paper and I’ll write it down...’

’No-no-no-no-no! That would be too easy.’

’Fine...’ I took a deep breath and tried to pronounce it right... ’Raxacoricofallapatorius’. He seemed really amused. ’Glad we passed the introductions, aren’t you?’

’Makes it easier a bit... Although, I still don’t know anything about you.’

’There is not much to know... I go to an art school...’

’No, I didn’t mean that. There is a much better way to find out who you are.’ Excitement in his eyes... He was up to something. As always. ’If you’re interested, of course.’

No. He couldn’t mean that. Obviously not. No. No! This isn’t happening to me, it cannot be happening to me...

’What does that terrified look mean? You don’t have to, if you don’t want-’

’You mean I can come with you.’ Just to make it clear.

’Well, yes.’ Obviously, his eyes said. Mine widened and for a moment I think my heart stopped beating.

’Like a... companion.’

’Well... we can say so.’

I ended up in his arms again. Stop, you stupid fangirl, I told myself over and over, I thought that it was real and actually happening, and I still couldn’t believe it. If I knew earlier that this man really existed... I had always been seeking him. Everywhere. In everyone, even the least tiny bit of him, unsuccessful. For seventeen years. What would happen had not been for that stupid gate in front of my house?

 

So we travelled. Far away. Back in time, forward in time. In the victorian England, the Ancient East, Venice and Florence in the fifteenth century, the American Civil War, the Earth when the continents were at a completely different place... Then I saw the fashion of the men and women in the 31th century, the 42nd... I asked if we could go to the 51th century, but the Doctor said no. I asked why, but he wouldn’t answer, and I just grinned, because there were so many other places and times to go. I met legends, myths, walked along rivers I thought only existed in tales, saw stars being born and die, people being born and die...

A huge amount of wonderful, shocking, dangerous episodes. Except this time, they were real. I was there.

In one boring Sunday or two I’d think about my family, back there, and I always felt a little guilt because I didn’t go back. But the next moment I realized if we go back to the exact time I should have gotten home that Friday, they will not notice anything... Except I’m completely a different person. Well, we shall sort this out, I thought every day like that and then went to bed, because I knew next day would be tiring too, and every human needs some energy...

And next day, it started again. Running, hiding, talking, walking, and saving a lot of civilizations... Then, one day, the Doctor said to me:

’Now, what would you want to see?’ Finally, I can have some ideas too, I thought. And I started thinking.

Favourite places to go? All visited... well, almost all... Favourite times? The same. Absolutely. Otherwise, this one has to be something special... my first request... what would it be?

Favourite people to visit? That was when an idea came to my mind. ’Torchwood.’

’I reckon they were also in that TV show of yours.’

’Yeah, they actually had a complete series on their own.’

’I wonder why,’ he rolled his eyes. ’Well... it will be a little complicated.’

’I didn’t finish...’

’Pardon me.’

’You can... I mean, we can... save people, right?’ I asked carefully.

’In most cases. In... many cases. We do the best we can, but there are...’

’Fixed points, I know, I know... but... if I could have a wish, I would choose them. Tosh... Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, and Ianto Jones. They were a team, they were a good team, and they were young, their death was... not right.’ The Doctor looked troubled, sad, old and tired... of what? Death? Life? Naive humans? All of the above?

’Can you name a death which is right and just?’

’Well... no.’ This has to be the right answer... ’But dying at the age of, say, 90, happy, with a big family is much more just than die at the age of twenty-seven, because of a selfish, stupid invading alien race!’ I raised my voice at the end of the sentence, not intentionally, but I couldn’t help it.

Did the Doctor even know what happened? He had to, he knew everything, always. I looked at him and realised I couldn’t see because my eyes were full of tears. Again. And I knew I won’t be able to fight this emotional wave. I tried once, and failed. At that time, I thought it was fiction.

’There are some things we do not have the right to change. We cannot go back and just take them to a safer place. Everything has to happen just exactly the way it did, back then, otherwise the whole history would change. One cannot calibrate the possible consequences.’

’What bad would happen if three members of Torchwood survived?’

’I don’t know!’ He was nervous. I understood it. He did everything to save as many people as possible, and now was trying to convince a naive, young female human being – which is one of the most unpredictable and dangerous things in the universe – that three deaths just cannot be prevented. ’We cannot prevent every death, Astray.’

’Then... We don’t prevent their death. But we bring them back.’ He saw the sparkle in my eyes.

He knew that sparkle could lit a whole world on fire. He watched me, silently, for a long time. I could almost see the toothed wheels roll as he considered each and every possibility. My heart pounded so hard and loud that I doubted if the Doctor started to speak, I would even hear that.

’That happened only once. And if you know and have seen everything I have seen, you know the consequence.’

’She was strong enough to do that once, why not try a second time?’

’She can not be strong enough, she is a human. Her system is just not compatible... ’

’You were there the last time to solve that problem, weren’t you?’ I knew it was a large thing to ask. I wasn’t really thinking. Well, no logically, anyway.

’I am not intending to regenerate for quite a time from now, if you respect that...’

’I...’ breathed out. Think, think of something, I kept telling myself, think, there has to be something... Then I suddenly raised an index finger.

’Jack is gonna be there,’ I announced with a victorious look and a mischievous smile. He slowly shook his head in a kind of „I-can’t-believe-it” way.

’You are magnificent, I have to admit. So, one consequence solved.’

’And the other one...?’

’And the other one,’ he started, but stopped.

’There is nothing bad about the other one.’ I declared.

 

***

 

When I opened the TARDIS door I almost fainted from the heat.

Then sun was blazing horribly hot along the sunny coast of Barcelona. Thick crowd on the sunny beach, people on their holidays in their hats lying in the sand, reading, talking, children running around...

’How in the world are we going to find two people here?’ I asked, turning to the Doctor, trying to ignore that two families surrounding us stared at the blue box appearing out of the blue with clearly completely no understanding.

’Not here. Somewhere not crowded. Missed the coordinates a bit. We are going to have to walk a little,’ he admitted.

’How did you do this?’ a little girl cried out, looking at me with those large eyes so that I suddenly felt like turning around and running away...

’Hey, it’s just a trick,’ I smiled at her. ’You cannot explain tricks, otherwise they aren’t tricks anymore!’ I brushed my fingers through her hair as walking past her, hoping that her mother won’t be coming after us and questioning what the hell did we do to upset the poor child.

We walked for about half an hour. The crowd became thinner and thinner, and finally there was barely a soul to see forward and back. Just the ocean. Blue, glimmering, eternal, beautiful... I wanted to stop and just watch it for hours... but we will have time. We will have all the time, actually. First, we needed to find...

’That would be them, I think.’ A short, dark-haired man and a blonde woman, sitting so close to the water the waves even touched their feet.

’Holy god,’ I sighed, my face taking the colour of a very common human alcoholic beverage.

’Yeah, you’ve said that.’

’Have I?’

’Twice.’

’Well, I cannot believe that I am going to see the Doctor and Rose Tyler in a swimsuit! Do I not have the right to say „Holy god” a few times?’

’Well, one cannot swim in that large black coat, you have to admit.’ As we walked closer, they noticed that someone was coming. He – the „other” Doctor – looked up, and soon I saw recognition in his eyes. I wonder how could he know who we were, with the Doctor looking completely different than ever before. Was it that obvious? A strange man and a random girl?

’You don’t... you really don’t... How did you find us??’ Asked Rose, standing up. She looked good in that pink bikini. Oh no, I wasn’t thinking that, I wasn’t...

I surely looked quite shocked. And embarrassed. Mostly, embarrassed. The other Doctor looked at the Doctor with a dark and grim face.

’I know. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,’ the Doctor said.

’Okay, first,’ I interrupted. ’Introductions. I am Astray. This is my name.’

’It’s alright, you don’t have to say it twice’, Rose said. ’I’m... Rose Tyler.’

’I know,’ I smiled, well, grinned, rather. ’Very nice to meet you.’

’What?’ The other Doctor said.

’It’s complicated. She knows everything,’ my Doctor said. My Doctor... did I actually think that?

’I... ahem... come from a world when you are... god, it’s embarrassing. I know all about you, let that be enough. I know, I’m sorry. Parallel worlds. Make a lot of mess.’

’So you’re the new companion.’ Said Rose’s Doctor. I nodded, blushing. ’She’s the new companion.’ The Doctor nodded. I wanted to hind under one of the rocks nearby. But when I looked up, I couldn’t not notice the Doctor’s gaze fix on Rose in that thoughtful, longing way which made my heart hurt badly. There was a long silence, then the Doctor suddenly turned back to the other Doctor.

’I am surprised to see you sit on the beach doing nothing. It is... not like me. Not like you, I mean.’

The other Doctor pointed at Rose. ’It was her idea.’

She chuckled .’Yeah, it was my idea. One has to do nothing once in a while...

’So, what do we owe the pleasure?’ Rose’s Doctor asked, still being suspicious about why were we here.

’Astray has a... special request. It’s best if I leave you to it,’ the Doctor said, then just... walked away. I stared after him indignantly. Thank you very much, now I have to sort it out all myself. Great. Fantastic. Brilliant. And so on.

’Holy God...’ Fourth times, I noted. ’I... I think I will need to explain this. I know you. I’ve seen you. I know what happened. You were on a film. A series. My favourite. I loved it as a child. Then I came to this world, as an accident, and I met the Doctor, and it turned out it was all real.’ The words were just flowing from me. ’Then, one day, he said I could have a wish. And that was when I knew I had to turn to you.’ I looked in Rose’s eyes. Only you have the power to do this. ’To bring a man back to life. To make someone live again. And that someone is Ianto Jones.

Then I explained them everything.

 

The Doctor – well, the other one, not mine – was everything but pleased. I think if it weren’t for us, he and my Doctor would actually have a real fight. I felt horrible, because it was all because of me, and while the Doctors were arguing, me and Rose lingered off a bit along the coast.

’It would last for a bit,’ she announced with a slight sigh.

’Yeah, I think...’ I brushed my fingers through my disheveled hair. ’Holy Go... alright, give me a cuff the next time I want to say that.’

’You came to the wrong person, I’m not exactly that type. Well, if He is involved, it’s another thing.’

’Oh, yes,’ I smiled coyly. I felt the approach of... Girl talk. Fluffy, normal, ordinary girl talk. Of a completely not ordinary man. ’So... what is he like?’

’You said you know everything.’

’Well, I didn’t get the opportunity to hear it from you...’

’I’m sure you had. Many times.’

’Fine, you don’t have to talk about it.’

’He is fantastic.’

’I’m sure about that,’ I laughed. ’But he is not like... like this Doctor. They always change a little. What was it like when he first... you know...’

’I... didn’t know him. It was hard to get used to this... other self. I acted like I knew him but for a time I didn’t see that he is still the same. But he... he liked me the same way, you know. He also had that... protective behaviour. Funny sometimes when I saved him instead of he saving me.’

’Sounds familiar,’ I grinned, slow step after slow step barefoot in the sand. My flippers were in my hands, the sound of squawking seagulls in my ears... ’You know, it’s... really good to have met you. I’m so glad you’re happy. God, I must sound like your mum... by the way, how is she?’ A family talk with Rose Tyler. I still couldn’t believe it.

’Fine. She’s busy with Jack, mostly.’

’Jack?’ My heart nearly stopped.’

’My little brother.’

’Oh...’ I made a wide smile. Jack. ’Jack Tyler. Beautiful name.’

’Thanks.’

Jack. Speaking of Jack... ’So... you don’t mind?’ I asked, referring to my request.

’What, saving another person? No. So you say this Jack and Ianto-’

’Love each other, yes. And I don’t know, why him. I just need to... bring him back. You know the feeling when something feels just so... unfair, that it shouldn’t have happened, that it needs to be changed.’

’I know what you’re talking about. I really do. I am ready to help.’ Aren’t you always, Rose Tyler? Aren’t you always eager to help?... I smiled back at her when she smiled at me encouragingly.

’But it’s dangerous,’ I said.

’What kind of companion are you? We always do dangerous!’ She put a hand on my shoulder. Then I hugged her. Yeah, the hugging, again... But she didn’t seem to want to resist. She was the first for a long time I felt so common with. Probably because we lived through some things together. Well, she didn’t know that, but I was there, watching. And learning. It is really embarrassing when you realize how much you know about someone’s personal life. I have seen things nobody should have seen. And how many others did! Back in my world. They just don’t know. They think it’s just fiction. But it isn’t, and I actually saw... oh God, and I could do nothing about it. I will have to live with that for the rest of my life, I guess.

’Girls, if you are done with the hugging...’ The most annoying thing was that at first I couldn’t decide which one of the Doctors said that. I turned out my neck and saw both of them standing right behind us. I grinned. Obviously they reached some conclusion.

 

***

 

Again, after a very long time, the heart of the TARDIS opened. The bright white light blinded everyone. Including me. I kept my eyes open until tears covered half of my face. Then I had to close them. Moments passed, or years, I don’t know, but the glimmering slowly faded. I tentatively opened my eyes again and the light was gone. I only saw Rose’s blonde hair, a bit wavy because of the sea air. Then she turned around, and in her eyes, there was eternity. Two ponds of yellow lights. Bad Wolf. The bringer of life.

 

***

 

We arrived and I heard Jack’s voice...

’Doctor, what on Earth now? What? This is really not the best time, I think you have come to the wrong time and space...’

’Oh, he didn’t!’ I shouted, in a high girl voice, stumbling out of the TARDIS. No one said a word and everyone was looking at me. Well, yeah, a blue box appearing out of nowhere. I’ve gotten used to it.

It was a cemetery... like... every other cemetery. Only it was raining. Funerals – rain. Typical.

I saw Rhiannon and her husband and their kids... then suddenly took my glimpse away from them. Ther were... other people. There always are. They come because they’re supposed to, because they are neighbors or distant relatives. because it’s what ethic dictates. How much I hate this...

’Everyone, you can go home, nothing to see here, it was a misundestanding!’ They didn’t seem convinced. The changed looks and were obviously how did a supposedly sad event suddenly turn into a film shooting scene, or, if they were dreaming, or, if they somehow came to the wrong space and time.

’Jack,’ I rushed to him. ’Don’t worry. We’re bringing him back. Just help me, you have to help me, please, I cannot open a coffin alone, I am a girl, I am too weak. So please help me,’ I cluttered.

’Wha- what? And how exactly are you going to do that?’

’Questions later, please, just help...’ I don’t know why I didn’t tell him when it would have obviously made everything clear, but I just couldn’t think. All those people, looking at me... no, not at me. They were looking at the TARDIS now. The two Doctors helped Rose out from the blue box. No, that wasn’t completely Rose, she was something else now. No, something more. I wondered what she was seeing, I always wanted to see that eternity... Even knowing that it would kill me in short time.

Jack saw Rose. I think that was when he realized. I saw recognition in those blue eyes, those perfectly beautiful blue eyes.

We grabbed the two ands and lifted the coffin lid... I didn’t think it would feel like this. I didn’t think anything could feel like this. Seeing Ianto, eyes closed as if sleeping, lying so straight and neat as he always has been, face so pale and white as a sheet of blank paper... It would need a miracle to bring him back, wouldn’t it? Well, that’s what we were up to make. A miracle. That’s what we were dealing with, day after day.

I was still naive and didn't believe that miracles were possible. Even if that miracle was my idea. The Doctor would have been disappointed. Luckily he couldn't read my thoughts. Or... could he? Nevermind...

Rose - no, Bad Wolf walked closer with that yellow sparkle of life in her eyes. One moment later, Ianto was breathing again.

I looked at him. Just looked at him. Eyes widened, he was staring up at us without understanding the situation, finding himself in a cold stone box and many people standing around him...

'Okay. Get. Out. Of. That. Thing. Now.' I said, and offered him a hand.

'Who are...'

‘No one. Just...'

'Ianto...' Jack said, breathless and doubtful, than ran to him and literally dragged him out of that cold stone box. He pulled him closer and hugged him so tight and desperate as if it was the last chance to do so. He stroked Ianto's hair with one hand.

'I'm so sorry, Ianto. Forgive me, please... forgive me...' He repeated these words over and over until they've lost their meaning.

Minutes passed while time seemed frozen, for me, for, obviously, them, and for everyone else. Jack kissed Ianto, then hugged him, then kissed him again, and I should have turned my head, but I didn't, and now I can never change that. And I don't regret it.

When Jack finally let go of his love, he walked to me, took my face between his hands and kissed me. This means 'thank you', it only means 'thank you', I kept telling to myself...

He stared at me, thinking. 'Sorry, I... didn't catch your name.'

'I... Uhm... Jones.... I mean, no-no-no...' I buried my head into my hands. 'No, no, I'm... aah... Astray. Astray West.'

'Nice to meat you, Astray West. Captain Jack Harkness.' I couldn't help but grin at him. He grinned back. That way he always did, that Colgate ad way.

He looked over my shoulder, and... 'Rose?' Rose was weak, and suffering, as the burden of seeing everything and everywhere weighed on her mind. She didn't have much time and my heartbeat fastened. Stupid, stupid me, I wasn't even thinking about her. Bad Wolf will kill her. Unless somebody takes it inside their body and...

Jack. Jack cannot die.

He seemed to have understood that because now he walked to Rose. The other Doctor, Rose's Doctor was keeping her on her feet. He looked at Jack - it was a rejecting, hostile look.

'Please,' Jack said softly. 'I am the only one who can help her.' The other Doctor slowly understood this and, also with a jealous expression, stepped away from Rose. Jack took her in his hands and touched his mouth to hers.

The golden aura flowing through Rose's body went to Jack's. He was just another host. For a little time. Because a human body can't take it for long. His eyes were opened for a few minutes but then it would kill him.

So it did. And we all watched it. To see the suffering on his face made me feel like just running to him and calling for help, even if I knew there was no help, neither was it needed. Ianto held him all along, sometimes whispering something into his ears, but Jack couldn't hear it. He tried to fight the madness, but even with him it didn't take long to defeat him. He fell on his knees and than fell to the ground, completely. I walked to Ianto and wrapped an arm around his neck. 'He will be okay,' I said. He knew that, but still, he seemed in need of reassuring. Then, out of a completely crazy idea, I hugged him. I always wanted to, and now I had the opportunity, how could I resist? No way, obviously. I didn't care that it was the first time he saw me. I can explain later...

Then, Jack came back to life...

 

***

 

’So, this is how I spent my first wish,’ I said, placing my weight from one leg to another. ’I did it wisely, I think, when I think about how many years they will have together. An eternity. Well, almost...’

And River was smiling.


End file.
